I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
