I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
