Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
