omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
