just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
