i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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