i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
