The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
