STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Buhtt sex?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
