I accidentally had phone sex last night
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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