My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
