I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
