Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
