when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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