Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
