dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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