i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
