I'm going to jail i love you
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
