Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
