I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I got inside last night via doggy door
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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