If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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