I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
