i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
