dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
