i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
