I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
