There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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