Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
