Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
