I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
