i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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