I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
