That's intense
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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