Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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