Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
