Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
