Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
