And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
