im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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