never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
