can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
