That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
