i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
