It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
