I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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