I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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