someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
