ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
