The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
