is your mom at the bar?
I'm going to jail i love you
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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