im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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