my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
