you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
