We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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