In the future we'll all be gay
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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